An Easy Conversation

You are a Nigerian singing about an Igbo girl, talking about her mother. Feature an old South African woman smiling or attempting to dance. No one will notice. It will be shot on beautiful 35mm celluloid with all the best effects money can buy. It doesn’t have to make sense. It just has to be beautiful.

Because there has to be some sensuous dance in your video it will be important to get a lot of girls for your video. When auditioning, don’t look at faces. Nobody wants to see the faces of women. Breasts have to be more than sufficient and yes she has to be bootylicious. Whatever the word means. Early in the video make sure you show the body of a woman. Plenty cleavage please. Preferably let her dance with her behind. Men must cover as much of their body as possible. They must wear fez caps, long sleeved jackets on top of t-shirts, dark shades, you know, that kind of thing. Women, must cover as little of their bodies as possible. Learn from black American Hip hop. Watch the music channels on DSTV and you will see what I mean.

Now even though this is a Nigerian video, to show that you have truly arrived, you need to have that odd white girl making a fool of herself in the club or on the dance floor in addition to the many black girls with excessive, oily makeup. More than one white girl is great. If you can’t find a white girl get a pretty mixed race girl with long hair. You can find a lot of them in Port Harcourt. Show flashing clips of the mixed race girl. We will think she is white. Worst case scenario, get a really light skinned girl and let her wear a really long greasy weave or wig. Let her wear green or blue contact lenses. We will think she is mixed race.

(via thefeeloffree)